joyce's posts with tag: a s_p exercise
Baby, we will find a resolution. Together. I am so damn tired of your heart being broken. Because of you, questions I once asked myself, have been answered. Just for today, it would be such a pleasure to whisk you away. Can I? Somewhere where trouble does not overwhelm you. I know when it hurts so bad. I know when I hear you say you're fed up. I know what it feels like when the greatest romance ever sold, goes sour. Just once, If I could spare you the hurt, the tears, and the pain of starting over. Is it a crime if I take your feelings more serious than he does? Who will crucify me for loving you enough to take you away from all this pain? You got me over here almost crying, like it's my heart that's been broken. I've never felt this wat about someone I don't even know. I can read between these lines. I'm not blind. I can read your mind....I feel your pain I know. They will say, here I go again, trying to save someone. And, maybe I deserve what I'm so used to getting when I do. But, baby, I take my life very seriously. What good is my life, if I can't use it to help someone else? They say I'm always trying to rescue the lost ones. But, that's okay. they are going to need saving too, one day. We all need people, and no one deserves to get a raw deal when they are simply tyring to find some happiness., and a few roses along the way. I gladly put myself in harm's way, if I can make your tears go away. There are more than one hundred ways to kick a bad habit, but only one prototype that causes it--heartless. If anyone had a heart, they would not hurt you this way. I hear you say you only want to be caught up in the rapture of love. I hear that. And, I want to give you that...in my place, and in my life. I imagine me and you, in love. I imagine us living the golden life. That life you always wanted....since you first knew what love was. You know you got me waiting on you. You're waiting on him to do right by you, and I'm waiting on you to show you that whenever, wherever, and whatever you want, we can have it. I will wait for you. I will show you what true love, and patience is. I will show you what it is to honor a woman, and make her feel like she is truly loved...... Will you give us that chance?
 a kiss
a warm hug
that's what I was thinking of
Moments shared
lying beneath
honeysuckle scented candles
casting shadows in a darkened room
Wills inert to explain
Bodies obeying commands
from burning hands
again and again
until
teardrops fall.....
"Moments stolen by fairy-tale dreams"
~jakuper(5/26/07)
I hope I don't ever let love be an afterthought Let me always grow in love From the time we're born we learn to love attention, food, and interaction. The constant immersion of ourselves in these .... never goes away. I need to stop thinking of life in terms of doors closing, but look for the doors that are opening. If I focus on all the doors that were slam shut, I can't see the new opportunities that are presenting themselves each and every day.
The metamorphosis of love is quick for some, and slower for others. Yet, it is always growing within us. Within every one of us. We are made to love each other. I can only speak for me when I say I want my love for people in my life to be like granite. Solid. Unmovable. Like the amber cinnamon treeI experience beauty in just being alive, and I know that all things change in their own time. Idon’t need to force anything. Even though at times love becomes replaced and it disengages prematurelySometimes it even dies.But..... it is still love.I have had the best intentions about love. when it had only a temporary affect on my life. The roots of it grew in me, even if tangibility of it fell by the wayside. I was grateful for the experienceIt was better to have felt it...Love has, and is the most powerful feeling I have ever experienced.....
jakuper(5/24/07)
Thank you, Jesus
Oh, how I love my life!
Yes!
yes
...
breathing
.....
deep
exhaling
...
This is soooo beautiful, God
Why are we so caught up in hopelessness
when all we need to do
...
is pause
(Looking up into the Heavens..
a tear struggles to escape
...........
exhaling )
God
....
I see You
I see all you have given me
The miracle of life that is all around me
Your waters, so cool
Your power
...
so un-mistaken
It is when I am here
......
feeling so free
that I feel you most!
Free from the things that define my life
Free from man made noises
Free from prejudice
I don't have no worries when I'm with You
Nothing bothers me
...
Just feeling the whisper of the wind
blowing against my skin--
my beautiful black skin that You made in
I feel Your sun smiling on me
The smell of green earth
is so intoxicating
It smells like new grass
..like birth
I stretch my hands forth to thee
I give you me
Take all my worries, Lord
Give me peace
Your peace
The waters are no more fearful to me
because I know
You control them
I believe I can fly!
Into thy hands I cast my fear of flying
Winds that cause tragedy.....
at your command, God
Everything obeys You
Everyone obeys
.....
They will all praise You
eventually
But, here I am
......
now
humbled in your presence
..
feeling so little
So insignificant
I feel so small
...
like a baby again
I live by rules...
but, Lord
I long to be free
Free as the birds in flight
Free to do what my soul feels is right
Free to love as You commanded
I dream of that day, God
when my being can wholly claim again
the freedom,
the joy that I have once known...
again.
This time, I will not look back!
I will live out my days free…
like the waves in ye wide sea.
Free once again...
Just like you made me!
jakuper(5/16/07)
 Circle of Woman..Goddess of Love
She shares with me a
listening ear.....but I must really listen. No interrupting her, no
daydreaming while she is talking, no planning my responses before she's
had her say. Respecting her is the only way she can teach me something
about me each and every day.
She gives me all the affection I
need. Hugs, loving kisses, holding my hand, and patting me on my back
when I'm down. She touches me, to lift my spirit high. These smalls
things demonstrate the most genuine love I've ever found. And, I will
cherish it until the day I die
I listen as she laughs at my
silly jokes. We share life stories by the fire. We play Spades
together, shop together, and go out to eat, dressed up in our evening
attire.. She gives me directions, sometimes ordering my food. We love
to talk....just us two. She is always in the mood.
She writes my name under hers. I realize we are one. If I take care of this love, I know I won't need another one.
She
compliments me on my dress. Not real elegant, because I was never big
on wearing my best. She sees in me...a beautiful, soft simplicity.
Warmth, understanding, and everlasting love from me. I gladly give it
because the purest love.... is absolutely free
Her kisses taste
like berries fresh from the vine. She renders me drunken with her
intoxicating sexual wine. Her heart is full of a sweet, sacred
sensuality. She keeps reminding me that she is dedicated to only me.
From
the first one in the morning to the wildest one, late at night.....we
will kiss each other a million times, until we get it right.
When
I'm in her presence, it feels like the very first time. Everything she
does, says, or feels...feels like I've never done it before. Just the
sound of her voice makes me wish I could give her so much more.
It only takes a minute to make an impression. She's made one on me......
She is WOMAN......a reflection of my own femininity
D
r
i
p
drip
dripping
lust of my lover
Spilling
onto me
into me
into the covers
Watching
her work
She takes her time
She takes my clit
into her mouth...
all of it
this time
Then she slides all of her
inside of me
as she confides in me
her desire for me
Bouncing
on top of me
Thrusting
around in me
Feels like she is bending me
.....breaking me
Her tongue
wildly pouncing
...inside of me
For hours we tangle
the dampened covers
dancing
like we are first-time lovers
It always feels like
the first time
Sliding up
and down this body of mine
back and forth
Toes turned north
then south
Passion burning us up
...long wet,
perspiring
kisses in the mouth
Those sensual sex faces
and noises we make
Energies spent..
how much more can I take
Greedy I am--
but, it's our routine
I can't get enough of it..
This is better than any dream
Waters oozing
desires
still secreting
from our tired clammy skin
But, we're both exhausted now
We rest....until it's time to begin again
Then it's my turn....
jakuper(4/5/07)
You look but do not seeEyes peeping out of cornersTracing my present journey with destinyBut are you sure that you really looking at meI can sometimes spin words out of controlsome so original... they break the moldSome so true..... you say they touch your soulOnly one looking beyond the mirror's imagebeyond the color of my skinor beyond my present sincan see what it is I already see...I see imperfection when I look at meDoes my image change for youfrom fiery red running through envious greento a depressing blue-ish hueDoes your perception of who I should besometimes get in your way?Am I being judged by what I said to youwhat I meant to youOr even how I looked at you...just only yesterdayIf so, I think you need to knowEverything I amEverything I needEverything I want to be is always subject to somebody else's scrutinyWhile you have a right to look in my mirrorand be what it is you seebut also knowthat I have a rightto disregard what you expectand do what's right for me
jakuper(4/2/07)
 If I take your apple, what will happen to meI'm supposed to be an exampleto everyone coming after medown through historyEverything I decide to dowill be recorded... and my blame will fall back to youBut I should know better what is trueIf I'm going to gain so much from one biteWhy is this feeling not so right?Why do I have a feelingI'm not going to be able to sleep at night?Something tells me deep down insidethat beneath your promises...even you have something to hideA woman's intuition is to think about it twiceand what you're telling me doesn't sound so nicePromises, promises that you cannot keepI should know better than to trust you...I saw you lying to me, in my sleepMy Father came to meonce I had taken your baitI tried to hide from HimHe told me to waitMy mistake sent me to HimEach time I went to HimI realized what I meant to Him I felt so ashamedSeems I played a deadly gameI was naked, happy, and freeNow, I'll never be the sameHe had all the answers to my eternityFrom then on, I hid my body so noone could seeFrom that day forward I was hip to your cunning voiceRight and wrong now is a choiceDown through time men and women knew...Not to trust in a devil like youjakuper-3/28/07
How did you feel so real
when you only appeared to echo
what something deep within me was already feeling?
How was I allowed to touch your body
from merely a thought?
Waking up, you weren't here with me,
my legs weren't wrapped around yours.
Yet, I could feel your silky body
pressed against mine,
with my back to you...
So this is what it feels like....
I turned to you
placing my arms around your waist
and felt the warmness
of your stomach
as my fingers glided across your skin,
and your navel.
My feet massaging yours,
Me running my legs up and down against yours.
I placed a kiss on your neck,
as I held your hair back
with my right hand...
I could hear you moaning..... softly
Your body moved in closer to mine.
My hands began to gently squeeze your left breast...
Almost immediately,
your nipple hardened,
I twisted it between my thumb
and index finger,
with just enough force to solicit
a moan from you.
Lifting my head, closer to your ear,
saying I want you. .....
Je t'aime, baby!
~jakuper~3/23/07
Once upon a fallacy I soared on wings of love.
Today, I wonder--
what was I ever thinking of?
With willful wings mangled
and burning with lust
I soared to Love's acidic heights
looking for the love
I once found
in us
Seeking diligently
for it's empyrean comforts
The only thing that interrupted me
from reaching that peak
was another jealous fights
and devotion
that proved very weak
My unchaste ears naively privy
to sordid stories
of her scheming deceits
My heart burned
within me
and as lies wrangled my course
the disgust burned in me
I said nothing
I did nothing
I expected nothing
I guess I hoped that prayers
would hold us together always
when it only took devotion
No matter how many times we snatched love back
from Hades strong hold
it was very evident
to see
That that love was not meant for me..
jakuper(3/22/07)
 a GIFT that I truly treasure
real love you give to me
beyond monetary measure
finding one so TRUE and free
FRIENDSHIP is one of the greatest things
I could GIVE to you and me
Technology has closed the distance
it takes to make a friend today
Your spirit was all that was needed anyway
When you find a REAL one
then you know for yourself what it takes
Everyone deserves to feel this way
A true friend releases the hostilities of indifference
and forges a clear path to emotional growth....TOGETHER
They SUPPORT each other's dreams
and UNDERSTAND that opinions can be compromised
"The freshness of each INDIVIDUAL friendship
brings something GOOD out in me"
Some I tried and they failed to be true
Some who would give their last
just for you
Some HELP me to define
things I already knew down through time
I'm glad for every friend of mine
.
"DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU"
We
all go through something. This is true. What works for me, may not work
for you. What's acceptable for you...I may not can totally grasp. To
each of us is given a level of understanding, grace, hope, and
clarity....
This week, I was tested to maybe the highest degree
that I will be tested online. I had the chance to "prove" everything
that I write about, talk about, and believe in, when a situation came
up concerning forgiveness, misrepresentation, and lying.
A
dear friend to me revealed that they were not who they said they were.
And went on to prove what they were saying is true. I did take the time
to listen to them, and let her explain. Although I still don't see why
the deception was necessary, I had to call on everything I believe in.
Forgiveness
first, because she did lie. I was made to think she was one person, and
she was someone else. Forgiveness because this was an ongoing thing,
and not just a first impression type thing. We had a relationship as
friends. And the other day, I went through this whole forgiveness thing
with a friend. She literally preached me a sermon, and didn't know it.
I kept saying, "why is she telling me all this?" And it was something
in me that quickened, and I stopped to actually feed on her words. And
today, I know it was a message for me about something that was going to
happen.
Understanding. I always want to be to others what I
want them to be to me. If I want forgiveness, or understanding, I
should be able to give it. If I want something from God, I have to show
myself able to give mercy to others. He said that whatever I do to the
'least' of these, I do it unto Him. So, I gave up what I would like
from a friend of mine...
And besides, she did have the courage to tell me the whole truth. Do we exercise the same with our friends? Do they know 'everything' about us?
Will I forget it? I would hope that in
time, I will. Jesus doesn't hold my sins against me. So, go figure.
And, even with my humanness, I still wanna be like Him one day. I still
love her as a friend, and I understand why she had to do things they
way she did. It's up to her and her God as to chastisement. I'd hate
for God to be punishing me for something someone else did. LOL
I
extend the best of me to my friends. This means that any one of my
friends may have been in that place. Whether it be a switched identity,
blatant untruths, and all kinds of deceptions, I have to be to you what
I want you to be to me...
Why is the world
always changing so...
Why do I find myself
always trying
to fit the shape of my dreams
Not knowing
whether I'm coming ...
or going
Facing the what if...
and not knowing what to make of it
Not knowing..
IF..
I wanna do anything about it,
anyway
What if I had done things differently?
Would the stars
the heavens
and clouds re-align just for me
Will the sun above me
the rocks, sticks, and stones
washing the surface below
Will they finally make a compromise
just for me...?
My head lays here
and my heart prays right here
in the locks of my spirit
channeling everything good my way
Don't forget me, Lord..
I'm looking for "that" miracle today
Hello, my name is Joyce, and I'm addicted to you! I wake up in the
morning, and the first thing I do is say a silent prayer for you.
Hoping to see you. Hoping your life is okay with you. I go about my day
as if I need that stimulation from you. 
Did you see me? Did
you think about me? What can I do today to enrich my life a little bit
more than I did yesterday. And, I'm totally serious, too. Because I
know how it is when you've lived all your life and you want it to
matter to someone. It's true that we have people in our lives on a
regular basis...but do they really notice what you do? Will they know
how many lives you touch on a daily basis..whether positively, or
negatively?But me--hey, I see you. Matter of fact, I look for
you. I look to see what you're doing. I want to know that you're
thriving, and being productive. and I make sure not to overdo it,
because you know what it looks like to some who think you give them, or
someone else too much attention.... They call you a follower. Needy.
and God forbid, weak. it is no more weak to accept stimulus from
another person as it is to emulate them. When you're doing good, it
makes me want to do good. makes me have hope in my own life that I can
do all things, through God's help. If you think what you do doesn't
impact me, you're wrong. Everything I come in contact with, be it
written, spoken, or just there...moves me in some kind of way. It
pushes my thoughts into action.What am I so addicted to...........INTERACTION
I am spring. I am reborn againanother fresh beginningmmmhmmmcomfortable againIn my own skin again After the coldness of winter's grinI can boast of newnessNoticing my own feathers...so bright and spring-likeI am like a bird in your hand,don't you understandI got another chanceI'm chilling because I knowa change is gonna come.....I ain't caged no more
 Paint me softlyIn promises of HOPEErase away painIn the beauty ofyour colored array.Cascade across our spiritsin heavenly display.Seal us in our destinyIn worths guardedmore than equalto the pot of Gold.Lend us
Peace
In shades of Tranquility
Grace us Love
under a dome of humility.
Replace our eyes upon our hearts
resting our visions pure.
Let our Love glorify
In the eyes of Thy
Instill deep within our roots
Brother & Sisterhood
May the followers of the leader
be fed spiritual fruit
May the disbelievers believe
Above the Rainbow of the Heavens
promises everlasting truth.
There's beauty
In hope
that the pot of gold
contains
a precious promise
of life.
All you have to do
is open your hearts eyes
and witness
the Heavens Rainbow.
What's beyond the rainbow
is the same thing
from one end
to the other
HOPE
Promise
The beauty of life
The challenges
The ups and downs..
It's all covered
No one is above pain,
or trials, or sickness...
but we have a written promise.
"It won't always be this way."
Happy endings--
always believe in them
If you believe...
that is your pot of gold.
Life is meant to be fully lived
the good taken with bad
The joy of it all..
knowing Jesus suffered,
so the scars don't have to last
The promise of Hope is like Heaven
It's a written guarantee
Pots of gold is
whatever is precious to you
Whether it is health,
happiness, success, or prosperity...
That's what's at the end of the rainbow...
*Expressions of Suga/jakuper
GOSSIP
1. Do not spread slanderous gossip Leviticus 19:16 Thou shall not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people; neither shall thou stand against the blood of thy neighbor: I am the Lord.
2. Gossiper betrays confidence Proverbs 11:13 A talebearer revealeth secrets, but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
3. Gossiper separates close friends Proverbs 16:28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer seperateth chief friends.
4. Gossiper tells secrets Proverbs 20:19 He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.
5. Gossiping tongue causes anger Proverbs 25:23 The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue.
6. Gossiping busybodies 1 Timothy 5:13 And withall they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
Who has not repeated, or carried some false statement from it's sacred place, to that of one who has no intention of upholding the sacredness of the confession? Gossip has been here for as long as mankind has. It is responsible for emotionally killing the spirits, character, and reputation of some of the worst, and best personalities.
There is nothing a simple as good gossip.... that is called spreading good news. If only it could be that we spread something good about people, instead of always trying to cut them down, or invalidate their presence to others. It is jealousy with a sheet over it's head..borne out of ignorance, and a deeper vulnerability that even they may have not realized.
I have been the subject of gossip on numerous occasions, in an attempt to "warn" others about me being a trouble starter, agitator, or whatever, or not even who I say I am. But, who is anybody? I am just me. For all the time spent talking about me, one could better use it fixing themselves, and worrying about what people think of them carrying rumors that are unfounded from hole to hole. What's funny to me is the rumor starter is never given proper credit. It's always a "hush-hush" type affair between sneaky faces meeting in sneaky places
We can start growing up today by speaking the truth in love. It starts within me. Anything other than the truth is a lie. If you see you've done it, acknowledge it, and make it right. Get away from the habit. Apologize, and don't make excuses. Be honest. Say I lied, I really didn't know, and fix it right there. That will break you, if you are sincere about changing your ways. Let us learn to tell the truth, by the grace of God...speaking the truth...in love. Being like God, is being like love. God loved us so that He asked God to forgive us, because we know not what we do. That's how we should strive to be
Gossip is of the Devil, but true love will make it stop!
I asked the Lord to bless you,
as I prayed for you today,
to guide you and protect you
as you go along your way.
Todayis the presentbecause it is my giftYouare a gift to meYou encourage meYour presence lights my worldYour heart that you let me holdis a miracle worth it's weight in goldIf you look close enoughyou will find melooking at you endlesslyI take my cursor and outline the smileon your faceI dream about what it would be like to touch your lips with mineto brush my skinagainst your fingertips(deep sigh)No one will love youas tender as I doI love youYesterday is history....I can't believe I was so close to youI can't believe I knew youso personallyI can't believe that every new daywas filled with thoughts of what we could betogetherThe whole time thing is so funny to mehow one minutewe can be so caught upin sweet kisseswarm embracingand courting conversationsand the next....strangersacross a crowded roomhaving to remember not to speakBut I remember everything about youEverything you told meI will never forgetI spend all my waking momentsin remembranceof a yesterdayof a beautiful lovegone too soon
jakuper(2/20/07)
 holding onbecause it might not be coming backWhat if...I don't really believe in loveand only pretend to play the gameWhat if I really under minded your feelingsand refused to take all the blameI know that I'm not readyto just lay it down and let it dieDoes that mean
I don't get my medaluntil I have won what I'm fighting for--
Peace and love between you and IWhat if I never get to experience the love that I so desireWhat if that box I'm closed withinnever opens up for meWhat if I never find the words to sayto make things rightWhat if nothing I said made sense to me anymoreand I was unable to feel youand you no longer felt me Would that be the end of what we were living forOr would we find a way to get past itWhat if my mistake was telling the truthI ask myself over and over again"What power does the truth hold with us?" What if all the mistakesI made with my eyes widely openedhit me back in my faceWhat if I was lyingand you know I didn't really careWould you be fighting so hard for what's left
Sitting
here in the emptiness of thought placing my pen to paper or my fingers to the keys a deafening silence erupts a nauseating void Nothing comes out. My words frozen in time barricaded within hedged to the ceiling of my brain Diked in the hallways of everything I never said My thoughts just sitting there on an embankment chilling having nothing to say
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