Between her sobbing
I listened intently
to her cracking voice speak

Something had been so very wrong
I've known it for more than a few weeks
her Doctor's appointment
the one that she insisted
she didn't want me to attend
left me with questions

I didn't stop her
and I didn't want to further offend

It's nothing else they can do
I need to tell you
I'm dying, Baby....

Her voice sounded out
like thunder cracking
on a hot summer's night

The Doctor said it's only a matter of time
I know this will hurt you..
I want you to know.
only death could put our love asunder

But I cannot fight it
My energy is draining my strength

This is where I draw the line

Sobbing
uncontrollably
unable to catch my breath
fighting back my fears

I could only hold on to her
so tightly.... it hurt

I had always promised
to love my baby to death

But it has come way too soon

Never enough time
to say goodbye....

Only the sound
of sniffing
and deep sobs
filled our living room
as the silence
of bereavement loomed

I was lost

Between the tears
she asked for another minute
to explain

Something she wanted me to do

Something
I could never do

Why would you ask me
to assist
in killing you?

I wouldn't harm one hair
on your beautiful head

Now you're gonna leave me
I, too, would rather be dead

I...I...I can't do it Baby.

I'm sorry for your pain
I promise
to do all I can to alleviate it
we will be together again

I will be right here
with you

Crying with you
lying
with you
dying with you

I won't leave your side
I don't want to waste a moment

Together we will share
our pain
your tears
and my tears
your fears
and my tears

Memories

things we did
throughout the years

We will remember
We will laugh
We will hold hands
jointly clasped

As life releases hers of your grasp

I will walk with you
to the sunset...

and love you forevermore

.............................................

Watching her
because
in my heart I knew
she was slipping away
promise fulfilled
love delievered...

But ...
I don't want you to go

Neverthe less
I must return her
to Him who loved her
much more than I

I made excuses
not to look into her eyes
red with tears
weary with fears
all the love
all those beautiful years

Arguements
time we wasted
fighting
deciding to give it
just one more damn try

We got it right
But now
It's slipping away

something right now"

I walked
slowly
to her bedside
tears streaming down
throat lumped...

Shaking my head

Nawwww
nawww
Nooooooooooooo!
Don't leave me

"I... got...
 to go...
Always
re...mem...ber
every....thing
we ...
pro...mised
Don't
stop
living
or...
loving
I love ....you.."

She smiled..
closed her eyes

and left me

jakuper(12/20/06)

One would often wonder
about your rise
from beyond

flying
through the galaxy
getting your sci-fi freak on

destroying women
bringing them back alive
again

piloting your intergalactic wrecking crew

I took a moment
to peep in your window
see what's up wit you

Like A Real Freak

I was watching you
watching her

long legs
braced by stilettos

choc late glazed
sitting back on the sofa

groin bulging
eyes dazed

she sits by you
bats her eyes
moves in closer
laying by your side

licking her full lips

Her finger calling you
sensuous eyes
mauling you

all of you

Go get her, tiger!

I watched her grip your head
call you
to her space
as she planted
a sexy kiss
on your awaiting face

Then the tables turned

She looked at you
and said,

"I'm fucking you tonight"

Now lick my lips
not these...

but those

"Yes Baby...there"

right through my panty hose

Watching
as she handled you

what else could you do

As you could see
and I could see
she was saying to you...

it's all about me

It was obvious
by your glazed face juice
from her
sweet nectar spills

she was getting
quite a arousing thrill

fuck em up, Z

hit that once for me

French kisses
her laying on her back

I know you waiting
to fill up
every crack

Don't look back
make her lay back

grinding friction
sixty thrills

break that back
give her that thang Z



You know the deal...







Jakuper(12/18/06)

The irony

is the kicker

As far as I could see

Because she couldn't pursue
her heart's desire

They wouldn't let her
be in love with me

Trying
earnestly
to do the right thing
Believing
Settling for
what society teaches...
That you must
be married
to a man
Now...
can we blame society
for her choices

Is it really their fault...
Or hers?

Or should she have forsaken
society's laws
and lived out
her ultimate dream

Enter Enchanting...

living
a restricted life
in a family
where her husband's father
is the patriarch
He always had the last word
He made final decisions
He held the cash

The matriarch
is her own entity
She does what she pleases

Seldom seen
Enchanting is allowed
to have friends
But she has little time
to spend
on outside interests

Her job is at home
housekeeper
mother
and wife

She has permission to go out
take liberties
create her own style
For she is grooming to be
matriarch one day also
The family
is kept abreast
of her activities

The father-in-law
is nosey
He likes to see
lesbians
in heat,
as he says

He even funds the ventures

all done
outside the home
and filmed
unbeknowningst
to the matriarch's knowledge

a closeted freak
a bi-curious old man
who's been known
to watch a hot boy flick
in his spare time
Seemingly
nothing wrong...
right?

Wrong.

Wife
and matriarch
go shopping for shoes

Doing lunch
tired
after purchasing
several pair

Sitting down
for a heart to heart talk

"Never forsake your dreams

Your eyes are sad
you want more
than being a slave
Trust me

I know

My husband has AIDS
I stay with Jasper
because
I gave up mine..

I once loved a woman
She was everything
my sun
and my moon

He came
and made me believe
that God
and society
would not approve

Now I am banished to his shame
because

I have his name..."

jakuper(12/19/06)

Longing for the eyes
that led me

Distanced
from the words
that feed me

Knowing you don't need me
but I need you

Waiting for your lips
to sing me simple sonnets
to share laughter
once again

The fun places
we were supposed to go
the things we could have seen
still fog up
the windows of my mind

Sometimes
I think I'm on my way
right to your door

Then I find myself
standing outside
like a stranger you don't know

I have a gift for you

A sort of forget me not

A crystal elephant
It is said to remind you
never to forget

But you should know me
and you should
be able to feel
the sincerity of my soul

Time twisted us
made us strangers
in a battle
no one can really win

Time

and faith
keeps my hope alive

I will always believe in you

I miss remembering you
I miss it when we shared stories

I will always believe
we were meant to meet

I remember
when we just shared anything

It was so cool to just say hello

Now I find myself
lonely for those words

Waiting for a voice
I have never seen speak

Waiting over here
in silence

Have I told you

lately
that I miss you?

I remember the day my son was born.  November 4th, 1987.  Not his actual due date, but the day the angels probably had gotten tired of his practical jokes, smart remarks, and tantrums.  He was actually supposed to be born the 22nd.  But, if his stint in Heaven, waiting to come here, was anything like it is now, I can see why they said, "Erik Jerrell Cooper....GO!"

I hadn't gained alot of weight because I walked alot, and was very active.  I could wear my regular clothes, so not many could tell.  They thought I was just staying at the table too much.  I went in for my nine month check-up, and I never thought anything was wrong.  Until they did a sonogram.  My doctor came back to the bed, with a worried look on his face.  And, I started to worry then.  He said, " How do you feel? "   I looked at him, and said, I feel alright.  He said, "You sure?"  Then, he examined me again.  The second time, when he went out, he came back with my regular doctor.  They started rubbing on my stomach; each on either side of the bed.  Dr. Mason looked at me, and said, "your child is obviously jumping, and kicking, and has gotten himself entangled in your umbilical cord.  This presents a risk for both of you, so we are going to have to induce labor, today."  I said, 'Today?'  "Yes, today.  If we don't relieve the pressure, he could suffocate.  We will come back in a little bit, and see if
he has moved anymore, and if not, we will have no choice but to put you in labor." 
I'm worried now.  What in the world is this child doing?  It's funny that he was doing all that moving, yet, they never could tell whether he was a boy, or a girl.  But, I knew he was a boy.  He was too active.  And, I just 'felt' it. 

When they came back in, they told me to relax, and gave me something in my IV to relax me.  I lay there.  Nervous.  Anxious.  Anything but relaxed.  The technician came in with a tray of meds, and inserted something into the IV.  She said it was something to induce my labor.  I was wondering how it could make me go in labor.  After a few minutes, I knew.  OMG.  I started to wrench in pain.  Cramps.  Hitting me back to back.  I was raising up off the bed, they were so bad.  The doctor came in, and tried to console me...but nothing doing.  I was in tears.  Almost screaming.  She said "That's enough.  You can't go through this.   We're going to have to do a emergency C-section.  This baby is ready to be born.  Is there someone you'd like us to call?"  I gave them my sister's number, and drifted off to sleep. 

Moments later, they came in to prep me for surgery, and I was so scared.  I had never been put to sleep.  I wasn't even sure I was ready for this baby.  But, it's going to happen.  Today.  I remember thinking that my whole life would change.  How much this little person would impact the rest of my life.  What would he look like?   So many things to prepare for.  I remember rolling on that bed down the hall to the surgery, so afraid. 

The only thing I could remember was nurses around me, talking to me.  IV's in my arm.  They were laughing and talking.  One told me I would be getting sleepy, and to start counting backwards from 20.  20.  19.  18.  Things started looking light green all around me.  My body felt heavy, and sleepy..........  17......

For the last 19 years, I could have sworn I have been raising two or three kids.  Maybe a comedian-like Gary Coleman, a young rapper by the name of Easy E; brother to Jay Z, and a Allen Iverson.  He always loved music, just like I do.  he thinks he can out "ball" anyone.  And he is a practical joker.  

I look at him sometimes, and I can see why the angels sent him before his due date.  LOL.  He was probably chasing all the little girl angels, playing jokes, and he was gonna tear up Heaven  trying to do jump shots all over the place...

Proverbs 3:25    Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.

Every since I was little, I was a scary child.  The first one to cry.  Afraid of almost anything I could not control.  Some of my earlier fears, which have followed me into my adult life are a fear of animals, heights, the dark, flying, and speaking in public.  We are taught that fear is of the devil.  But, sometimes things frighten me to the point that it interferes with my life.

When I was in school, everyone who knew me, knew I was very shy.   I would not get up to speak in front of people for 'nothing'.  I often took failing grades until my teachers realized that it wasn't that I didn't do the work; I just wasn't gonna read it in class.  This spilled over into my church activities very often.  I loved participating in the choir, the usher groups, and all the committees.  I remember being in the choir, and they tried to get me to sing a song, with my best friend.  A no go.  I couldn't.  I liked ushering because I only walked them to their seats, and went back to the door, and stood.  But, when someone called me to send a message, or get something from someone, I cringed. 
When I was in high school, a dog bit me, and I swore to myself I would never live in a house with animals. 

And, I never have.  I am afraid of snakes, spiders, caterpillars, and grasshoppers.  And, let's not forget seagulls.  When I would go to Atlantic City, on the boardwalk, I would freak out when they would come so close to me, even walking alongside me. 

My fear of heights, and flying may be related.  The ascension that I feel going up in elevators is so frightening.  The hospital here only has six floors.  Only in the last 4 years have I been able to go past the fourth floor.  That's because a friend just talked me into it.   Another friend has offered me an airplane ride anywhere, and I have yet to take it.  That means I will have one less fear.   I'm still praying on that one. 

My everyday fears that I have no control over are of being shot, murdered, raped, losing my mind, something happening to my son, my family, a terrorist act, being in a car wreck (I just hate driving fast on the interstate...too many people to trust), and the biggest one...not being ready when it's my time to leave this world. 

I know I do my thing, I am living beneath my privilege.  My life is not spiritually where it should be.  The human part of me has not come fully under subjection of what I know is right in my heart.  But, I am learning, living, and looking forward to become a better me, day by day.  it's a race...against time.  A battle, that I hope, and pray to win. 

 I figure, if I stay away from animals, elevators, airplanes, dangerous situations,away from mics and podiums, I will have a handle of the fear.  LOL.  I will have done all I can do to  make sure I live a life of faith.
 

your shyness is unique

          your shyness is special

                    your shyness is strong

to be shy is not weak

                for our minds are strong.

i see your shyness

i think its kinda cute

i see you peeking out

that window.......

go ahead...BLUSH!

diamonddeangelo@2004

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF......?

Moving in stealth,
arrows poised and ready to shoot.

Here lies the subliminal intent
of an invisible enemy

Hiding

like porcupines in briar

Confiding

causing detrimental harm
and punishment

One unlucky asassinator for hire
Killed in the line of fire
with only one arrow of truth
through the muthafukking head

for misjudging
fudging
everything they said I said

Sludging thru shit
too old to remember

Totally wrong
for the progress you hinder

Always misinterpretated

Always without
any resounding proof

Fuck what you already heard

The acoustics
of these rumors
were already blazing
from anotha bitches word

This stalkin shyt

this talkin shyt

ain't nothing but shyt

Deal with it

infinite BULLSHYT

destined
for Hells Pit

Unloading

Loading again

When will this shyt
ever end...

jakuper(11/27/06)

MISERY

All I can do is sit here
Bare and
Exposed
Hoping to cleanse myself
And free myself
From all this pain
They say misery needs company
Why did it have to seek out me?
To be its friend
I was minding my own business
In a world where I never
Had the urge to know love
But you appeared
And lured me into a place
Of great expectations
Only to be left empty handed
Alone
And filled with such a savage pain
In my heart
That I could tear the paint off the walls
With my bear hands
I have no tears
They refuse to fall
Refuse to release my soul
As punishment for
The grave mistake I made
By taking you into my heart
Numbed and shattered
By the reality of your deception
I am overwhelmed with grief
Devastated
I turn to the shadows of my walls
To hide me
To take away my shame
But they cannot spare
Me from the destruction
That runs rampant inside me
Tearing me up
Breaking me apart
Slowly and perfectly
Until I have nothing left
No feeling
No memory of emotion
Just me
Lost
Fragile
Unaware
Just me
Crushed
Alone
Bare

COMPANY

Aawww
Come here
Take my hand
Get up from there
You don't have any reason
to feel sad
All the tears
in this old world
won't wash your pain away
Let me hold you
It wasn't love
that did this to you
Someone who did not know
what they had
with you
in you
Taking you
for granted
is the stupidest thing
they coulda done
Don't cry
It wasn't meant to be
You weren't lured into love
you love your heart
and found out their love
couldn't handle you
They lost...dear
not you
Stop crying now
You still have your heart
your loving heart
In time
that pain
will be replaced
with a brand new love
a brand new chance
with new memories
of how real love
can truly be
happy
hopeful
exciting
giving
receiving
secure

and full of joy

 

I was unwilling to be a pawn
in your impugning psycholigical game
I faced my punishment
with my head turned away in shame
For the inexorable torture you submit me to
I still will not bow to you
I refused to do
what you wanted me to do
Now, look at you~
Arrows piercing deeply in my skin
grimacing in pain...
Still, I won't give in
How ignorant are you still
if I continue to resist
I would rather die an even slower death
How about hanging myself...
shooting myself
I was being tortured by you, anyway
Hell, why don't you just slit both my wrists
I know you got to be enjoying this
You really want to see me wincing
in excriciating pain...
Just pull these bloodied stakes out
and stick me again
Take a knife
and slice me, please
Come on with the punishment
don't be such a timid tease
Regardless of what you do
I would rather suffer any intensive pain
with trails of blood seeping from my veins
But, until you stop snoring, Baby

I won't be sleeping with you, again!

JoAnne

Fate has joined us together
to live our lives parallel
to each other
A reflection
of the other side of effect
Cause--we were meant to be
fraternally equal
eternally true
I see our life
as we're struggling
to climb
the rocky mountains of fate
and get home
before it gets too late
We both racing to that door
where trouble
and sacrifice
threatens no more
Your determination impresses
even as life undresses
reality before you
How is it that the optimist
is always able
to see the world
in a grain of sand,
and to see heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hands,
and eternity in an hour.
while those of us who doubt
that true love exists only see ruin
and time running out
When you are tired of struggling
I will take your hand
Heart to heart
breast to breast
We are only a grain
of mustard seed away
from passing
this one important test
It's raining outside
Clouds are gathering fast
what will we do?
Close your eyes and remember
on a little eternity
Just enough to get us by
Wish for God's eternal love
to be with us every step of the way
It is in His hands
that we shall rest our souls

at the end of the day

**A Mashito Exercise.  Sensitive Subject Matter**

kill em all!  kill em all! kill em all!.....

I screamed, as I slammed my fist on the table.  Icy stares from frightened reporters only fueled my rage.  I smiled.  Rolled my neck around in a circular motion.  Licked my lips, slowly, and began to speak...

WTF you looking at?  I'm gonna tell you this...one time.  And, one time only.  So, listen closely!   After this, if you feel the need to fry me, then go ahead.  My soul is too cold to even fucking care. 

I died inside the day they took my sister away.  Moms worked like a fucking dog.  Sorry ass father was no where around.  Bastard never showed up.  One sorry ass nigga after another...wanting me to call him dad.  He fucking my moms, and while she at work, he fucking my little sister. Dared us to tell.  We helpless.  If we told, the state would take us away.  Separate us.  I had to hold my little sister at night, after they went to bed.  Listened,  while he fucked her.    She moaning, and groaning.  "Fuck me Daddy"  I still hear her.  And, it drove me wild.  Becuz while he fucking my moms, I'm holding Tasha, wiping her tears.  Taking my shirt, wiping the blood from her torn clothes.  Afraid to touch her.  Afraid to let her sleep alone.  Every fucking night, almost...he took her.  She wasn't even developed.  Her body shook, in my arms.  She would fall asleep in my arms, finally, after crying for hours.  Her little body jumping in her sleep.  I couldn't sleep. (holding my head, grimacing...) I was only fifteen.  But, I promised her, I would take care of it. 

In school, I stayed close to her.  If someone touched her, I would beat them up.  I learned to street fight, so I could protect her.  I was flunking out of school.  My moms was too blind to see what the fukka was doing.  Blinded by that love shyt, that dick.  I can still hear Tasha saying, 'He hurt me, he hurt me.  Please make him stop.  Why won't mommy help me?  I'm so tired...' 

I would dream of her words, haunting me.  To ease my own pain, I started drinking.  I stole liquor from my mom's stash.  I would steal from my friends house.  My habit became worse.  At a friend's house one night, and they left me there alone, while they went to the store.  I knew where the stash was.  I went to get it.  There was a loaded gun right there.  I took it.  I thought about my sister.  I decided, I was gonna make it right for her.  He wouldn't touch her again.  I put the gun in my pocket, and headed home.  Running.

I only reached the end of the street.  I stopped.  Something in me panicked.  I started running towards the house.  What was wrong.  Something was wrong.  I just knew it.  I opened the door.  My moms was at work.  As usual.  An eerie silence.  I could hear my own heart beating, as fast as my feet were running.  I went to my room, opened the door. Tasha.  She was sitting there.  Bloodied.  Hair full of blood.  Snot running down her face.  A thousand tears on her moistened face, and clothes.  She was shaking.  I lost it. 

I took my gun out of my pocket, and ran to my mothers room.  I knew he had done it this time.  He went to far...  I pushed the door open.  "what the hell have you done to my sister?  Tell me, mutha fukka!  Tell me now, so I can send you to Hell!"  He looked at me, and smiled.  He laughed, actually.  I can still hear that laugh.  "I gave the little bitch what she was gonna get anyway.  She was hot, anyway. Mammy never looked after her properly.  Left her with all these different men.  She know men is dogs, anyway.  I just got to her first.  She tasted like fresh eggs, right outta the hen house.  (sucking his teeth) Kinda tasty.  But you see, she needed to be broke in....before some no good bastard gets a hold to her.  Best if she get it from someone who knows her.  I helped raise her.  So, I'm entitled to some of that.  She took this dick, too.  I think she loved it.  what you think?  See, I thought tonight would be a good time to introduce her to a little back door action, you see.  (sucking his teeth)Only she was a little pouting, acting like it hurt.  Kinda split her up a little.  She'll heal.  They always do.   I think you need a little of this sweet dick, too.  What you say?'  I was frozen.  Looking at him in horror, as he talked.  Unable to speak. 

I reached in my pocket, to get the gun. He was gonna die.  He would never touch my Tasha again.  or me.  I would take her, and run away.  Moms never loved us.  If she did, she wouldn't leave us with this monster.  She never saw through him.  She never saw through any man who she left us with.  They always treated us mean.

I tried to pull the trigger, and he snatched the gun.  He took it, and smacked me with it.  I told him he would never get away with it.  He laughed in my face, and said he would.....because he would frame me.  And, he did.  I served seven years, in detention halls; received years of counseling, and was registered as a sex offender.  And, I never assaulted anyone.  I got out, and did odd jobs.  Changed my name.  My identity.  Moved around alot.  Everywhere I went, I came across the same shyt I was running from.  Mothers leaving their daughters with men they hardly knew.

NEVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME WITH STRANGERS!  I slammed my fists on the interview table.  (the guard quickly grabbed me)Helpless little girls, (sniffing)at the mercy of dirty men.  Sexual predators.  Demons.  And, I vowed to kill EVERY ONE!  Each time I killed one, my little sister would clap for me.  Like she did before it all started.  She was happy.  We had good times.  Today, she in a mental institution.  Rotting away.  Don't know nobody.  No one can touch her.  But me.  It pains me to visit her.  When I get ready to leave, she fights me, to stay with her.  So he won't fuck her again.  I still hear her screams.  Still feel her holding me so tight.  (grabbing my head...with both hands)  Still smell the blood on her hands, as she held me tight...so many nights.  And, I see my moms...Didn't even have a clue.  Never knew that the man she was fucking, was fucking her own daughter.

kill em all  kill em all  kill em all.....

There you have it.  Why I kill.  Why I will not stop....until Tasha stops crying in my ear.  Until she is whole again.  Until I know no child will be molested by some no good mutha fukka.  Revenge for my Tasha.  (Sniffing, through tears...)    Revenge for her innocence.  Stolen,  Savagely ripped from her.  I had to let myself be convicted, so she could be taken from my moms.  Her bloodied body.  I can still see it.  When they took her away. 

My moms got strung out on crack.  thanks to some dealer.  Some do good er, who wanted to help her get Tasha back.  So you see...my life is over.  I have nothing else to live for. 

I will kill, until I am killed. 

If you a good daddy, be a good daddy.  To your kids, and anyone's kids.  Children don't ask to be here.  They don't ask for the pain we bastards inflict on them. 

inhaling

inhaling

coughing

choked up

all smoked up
what's up wit that cough
while you think you turning me on
you really turning me off
I don't even wish to see
your silent temptation
overcoming me

Indomitable
visions of you
proteoning in my head
in solicitous intent

another puff
deliberatly sent
you tryna get me high

inhale

inhale

exhale
breathe
vapours of lust
take me
overcoming me
closing my eyes to feel you
intoxication
you becoming
a part of me
mentally
mucking up my head
thrilling me

Take me
before I fall

Opening my eyes
but I don't see you
I see want
the thought of you
dancing
in me
before me
Chasing that high
sybarite

with desire
wanting wet lips
to close the distance

between

My tongue craving
something I never had
Smoked up
and high as hell
don't tell
inhale

inhale

exhale
you know what's up
right

Yeahhhh

smiling

giggles escape

tasting you
on my wanting lips
gesticulating my lips again
licking them
Mmmm
yeah.

you taste like cake

sweet

yeah

yeah

inhale

damnnnnnn

I can't wait

inhale

cough

exhale

Yeah

We can do this

u ready?

When will they go away
those old-timey funky blues
Tired of being reminded
that they came from Africa
and are still with us today
From dumb country blues
to standing at the crossroad
of Highway 69 and 41
late Saturday night
Legendary crooners like
Eric Clapton,
Chris Thomas King, R.L. Burnside,
and Bonnie Raitt.
still trying to get it right
Depression era..
yet depressing still
From country to city
Memphis and Mississippi too
Packed clubs,
street musicians
practicing their skill,
All-night card games,
ladies of the night,
fights from Ike and Tina
B.B. King
and his guitar
with a stupid name like Lucille
Little Milton
was anything but little
and Fats Domino
lied about his thrill
he had no one to take
to Blueberry Hill
Sweet home Chicago
The folk  revival
and the Union Jack Blues
Singing sad love songs
about loves
they always lose
Another
somebody
done somebody
wrong song
that's played
ova and ova all night long
Even when the Blues
rocked around the clock
Nobody got tired
til the dawn of morning
would  finally drop
The hard years
in the seventies
in Chicago
with the rise of different genres
Rock on the white side
funk and disco on the black
the blues
tried to make
another comeback
Folks selling it out of cars
Kareoke late at night
Choky,
smoky filled bars
still wouldn't even lit it die
Down south on the Chitlin' Circuit,
is where that fried,
greasy
and steamy blues
born in slaves
of Africa
to the joints of New Orleans
This is where I hope
the blues will shut up
crying
lying
and whining
and finally die

A low, sinister laugh emits from my lips.   Along with a sheepish grin. 
'Hello, nice to meet you.  My name is Joyce.  And, you are...' 
I refused to extend my hand, for fear I would hold on to it too long.  I'm already still flustered from a few minutes before.  My pussy is still throbbing, and cringing from the thrashing that I always dreamed about, but never managed to come across.  No words were even needed, as we pounded our way to a quiet orgasmic finish.  All I need is for my friend to think that I fucked her baby at her own dinner party. 

"JD is the name, and I've heard so much about you.  I'm sure you are as graceful as your name." 
'Smooth talker, eh?  That will get you in trouble in this place.  Girlfriend, you need to keep this one on a leash.'  The bogus smile she gave me made me wonder, was it a set-up that her lover and I meet, and spontaneously fuck at her dinner party.  Cuz I know her.  She knows we've done this before, and the subterfuge turned me into a swinger by the end of the night.  We also have shared lovers before, in threesomes, so it wouldn't surprise me.  Or, is her lover a Casanova who goes around testing the merchandise everywhere she goes.  What's really going on?

'Now that we've all met, let's go find something to drink.  I'm thirsty.  It's a little warm in here, too.  Whewwww.  I hope I'm not the only one who's a little flustered.'   Waving my hand back and forth across my face, I spot the drink table, and make a beeline for it. I try not to make eye contact with JD, or my friend.  It's certainly gonna be an interesting night.  They seem so happy together, walking hand in hand to the table, and I watch as JD picks up a drink, and puts it to her mouth to sip.  AWWW.  They're talking in whispers.  I wonder is she telling her about what happened.  They don't seem to be arguing.  I would hate to have to deal with the same resentment we went through the last time this happened. 

I think  it was rather bold of JD, knowing that her best friend would be here, and there was a chance we could meet up.  Just how much had she told ole girl....  I sat at the bar, watching them chat.  Almost look like they were making plans, or something, because their expressions went from inquisitive, to amazement, and back to a quiet concern.  Either way, I'm satisfied.  I could use a nap.  Just thinking about JD welding that dick like it was some kind of sword, or something.  And, to think--it only lasted a few minutes, but the pain, the pleasure sent me somewhere I've neva been.  If only I could have that one more time...just to make sure it's real.  Was it good cuz we stole it?  Did she plan this bold caper, knowing damn well, I would fall for it?  I slide back in my chair, slowly, allowing my bottom to slide across the chair erotically.  I like the way my pussy  is still tingling, and the slow moving sensation is making it tingle even more.  Damn, I wasn't through with her!  I'm impartial to a woman who slings the dick like a king; like she rules the world. 

We all sat down to the meal, side by side, with me sitting in between my friend, and JD.  I'm not very religious, so I didn't too much care for the blessing over the food, but, I was glad when the Reverend said, "let's eat."   When she said that, my clit jumped.  JD smiled at me, as if she knew what I was thinking.  I tried not to make eye contact with either of them, because I felt guilty enough, already.  Not to mention that JD is reaching across me, to get the basket of rolls, and smells so delicious.  'Is anyone else warm here, besides me?  I think I need to go to the ladies room to freshen up.  I'll be right back.'  I get up to walk to the exit, and I notice my friend behind me.  Ut-ohhhh.  She knows, and she is coming to confront me.  Okay, here goes nothing.... SIGH

We get in the bathroom,and there are four others ahead of us.  "I have a proposition for you.  And, before you say anything, hear me out, okay?"  Damnit, she knows!  JD told her ass everything.  I knew this was a set-up. 
'Okay, but I hope there's nothing wrong.  Is everything okay?'
"Oh yes, everything is fine.  Matta of fact, betta than fine.  This is your lucky night.  You know how you used to be a novice in settings like this?  Well, you have graduated, my dear.  I think we should have a little fun, together.  Nothing you haven't done before.  But, in the past, we had to feel each other out, and now I trust you with anything I got.  You feel me?"
'I...I....I don't know.  I'm gonna have to hear this one.  Hold on, I really gotta pee.'  I was glad to hide behind that bathroom stall, even if for a minute, to catch my breath.  Water flows out of me, making my clit even more sensitive.  I can't help but stick my finger down there to test the suppleness of it.  Damnit.  It's still hard.  What the Hell am I doing?  I'm all out of my element.  Doing this wild swinging shyt, all out of my comfort zone, my sanctuary.  But, it feels so free to be able to explore this side of me.

I step out the bathroom, and she right there, waiting on me.  Shyt.  I wash my hands, and follow her to a window, that we both begin staring out of, as she begins to talk....

"Girl, now you know how long we been knowing each other, right.  We been through some shyt.  And we always kept it real.  I know you fukked my stud.  But, it's cool.  I wanted to share her with you.  You can have anything I got. I know I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna tell you like it comes out.  I love you, Joyce.  I know it's a crazy love.  I mean, we do our own thing, you know; but this is something I want us to do together.  Yeah, every time I met someone, I wanted you to fukk em too.  I know--it's cray, but one day, I was hoping you'd say, let's do this thing together.  I have loved you every since you fought for our friendship the first time this happened.  But, I knew I wasn't about to cross that line.  So I sent my girlfriends to you.  That was as close as I dared get, without risking losing you, as a friend.  They always come back to me, and tell me how fucking sexxy you are.  How you kiss, and how you always leave them wanting more.  They paint a picture so hot, It makes me fuck them better, thinking it is you.  You have no idea how many times I called your name while sexxing someone else.  silently,and aloud.  You know that little thing you do when you're about to cumm...you tighten up your pussy, and grab a hold for dear life.  No words, clinched fists...then you let out a SHYYYYTTTTTTTTTTTT... 

Yeah.  it always fukks me up, in my head.   I want to experience that for myself.  JD knows everything.  You impressed her so much, she is also waiting on you to say you wanna finish it.  She said you rocked her world.  Will you rock mine too?  Please.....Just one time.....Let me experience that thing that you do so well....Please, Baby....I want you soooo bad....  Think about it, okay.  Let's go back to the table.

We slowly walk back to the table.  Me, with no emotion, although everything in me is screaming YESSSS....  I remain cool, as I sit down, and start eating....

* a bloody murder with a funny twist

Here's the story
as best as I can tell
those gals knew each other
for quite a spell
friends and lovers back in the day
they used to hang out in bars
and listen to the juke box play
Mari was the oldest
Kari, ten years behind
two of the sexiest sistahs
you ever wanna find
Kari used to always admire
how Mari's eyes were filled with fire
Kari liked women
Mari wouldn't dare
But she always noticed
how Kari would lustfully stare
One Friday night
Kari was feeling high
And Mari's man caught her eye
Kari had an idea in mind
I bet I can make this bitch jealous
her Old Boy seems so kind
I think I'll get in his face
and do a nasty wind
Well, it worked better than I planned
Because I forced her hand
She had to finally speak
even if her voice was weak
and weak because she already knew
it wasn't him I wanted to do
I had gotten her attention
in a jealous fit
But she knew that wasn't it
I led a trail all the way to my house
I planted bait
like cheese for a mouse
I think this is a good time to tell
I have a twin who plays me very well
She and her mischievous ways
have got me into messes for days
This particular night
She was feeling a little tight
So, we played a trick on Mari so good
You would think we were from the hood...
Mistaken identity
is the result of that night
it was my sister who Mari did fight
when she came to my house
and opened the door
my sister and her man
were fukkin on the floor..LOL
I'm telling you..the fire in her eyes
turned inferno red
and she was in shock for a moment
before she finally said.
'If it's the last thing I do
I promise,
I'm killing you'
Kari's sister sobered up
and realized
that Mari meant what she said
by the tears in her eyes
I think Ole Boy
had captured her heart
But she shoulda been playing it smart
Neva let your man tease another
not even in play
You'll live to regret it every day
Then again, Ole Boy shoulda knew
one day he was gonna be wearing
that same old shoe
Ole Boy went on to find another flame
Mari's life was never the same
One Sunday, Mari opened the paper
and it read
'Ole Boy, killed in lover's tryst,
found tied to a bed naked
dick cut off..
and both wrists slit'
Onlookers on the scene
say Ole Boy's woman was so mean
She didn't take no shyt
Once she caught him cheating in her bed,
that was the end of it...
She cooked for him
worked for him
fucked him
and fed him
and all the thanks that she got
was keeping that pussy wet
when it got hot
The lady turned herself in
and now she doing
20 in the Penn
Forward wind
twenty years lata
Mari and Kari end up neighbors
Kari's sisters' in town
and Mari does not know yet
that it was Kari's sister
that day she read about in the Gazette
The married name wasn't the same
So Mari couldn't know
that she was the same..
Anyway....
Kari's sister was visiting her one week
and Mari came over to eat
They got to talking about jail
and Kari's sister began to tell
the story of the man she swore
would hurt her no more
Now, why did she call his name
Mari realized the fact were the same
Mari, saying to herself,
'this bytch killed my flame
We coulda loved each other forever
if he didn't have to have her...'
Mari went home
steamed that night
She decided she was too old to fight
I know what I will do..
I'll trick you in my house
and beat the shyt out of you
Mari asked Kari's sister, Shari
over for some sandwiches
and tea one day
when Kari was gone
to her friends for an overnight stay
Mari planned it oh so well
Walking up behind Shari
Shari said,'what's that smell?'
Mari said,
'Oh, just an old bucket
from the well...
I keep it around to water my flowers
but I don't think
I'm gonna need it anymore
Because I'm gonna
beat your ass down to the floor
You stole my man, once
then killed him dead
You spent time in jail
for killing him in his bed..
DO you remember me now?'
Shari, trembling, rose to speak
uttering words in a frightened plea
'I was only playing, you got to see
my drinking got the best of me
Me and Kari have done this before
but, I promise
I won't do it no more...
Please,
Let me live..
I don't have much time to go'
Soon as she said it, she hit the floor
Mari had hit her with that bucket
one time... twice.... three times.... four
Shari fell to her knees
and despite her sobbing pleas
She died right there on the floor
Mari cleaned up the blood
that came gushing from Shari's head
and dragged Shari's body out to the shed
Mari came back inside washed her self
and put the bloody bucket back on the shelf
sat down at the table
eating the sandwich, drinking her tea.
singing to herself,

"bet Kari Kari Kari 
gonna be mad at me..
when she see
how her twin was
b.l.e.e.d.i.n.g....'

So far, so good....
I waited all these years
to finally fly,
abnegating myself this pleasure
She finally got me to visit her.
Her cunning finally paid off.
I'm glad I sacrificed,
for once,
and didn't let my fear blind me
She showed me an evening
of pure excellence
elegance
seranading
and romance
But, I can't wait to get back home. 
This weekend has been a blast.
Apropos, becuz last weekend
was Labor Day, and I took 7 days off
Two great weekends in a row. 
Coming off last weekend,
it felt righteous for me to enjoy myself
Labor day, and this one,
I'm glad to be settling back down
to some sense of normality. 
Can't wait to get back home,
take a hot bath. 
and sleep in my own bed.
Looking out the window
at how small New York seems
how often I would ostracise
and condemn their bane existence.
Now, from up here in the sky...
I only see a reflection of my good times,
and leave this place
with a greater sense of dignity
Everyone should take a flight
at least once in their life.
How many times have she flown,
back and forth, to see me...
Settling down in my seat
closing my eyes
knowing in less than an hour
I'll be back home...

What is that awful noise!
What's going on.....
Oh my God!
Opening my eyes
and all I see is a ball of fire
Heat...
searing heat....
Oh my GGGoooo......

'...You don't have time to scream.
It won't even matter who did it.... 
Everything you know is about to change. 
Your whole existence--GONE.....
And you hope, that in those few seconds,
you would have time to pray, repent,
and be accepted,
because if you haven't, or didn't...
Well... 
You hope with everything in you
that there is a God,
and that you will meet on the good side of death,
into everlasting life. 
You hope something you did was good enough
to warrant Him taking you in...
Besides, that's all you believed,
all your life. 
You don't know anything else to hold on to,
at that moment. 
And believe me, it is moments. 
How fast your life passes by..
mili-seconds...
in time....  
You get to finally see what is beyond this life. 
And who knows how many souls,
in that moment will be saved,
or lost...'