joyce's posts with tag: nimah's challenge
I have the memories to prove it...written all over my heartetched in yesterday's sandWe weren't supposed to lose the friendshipTime would not keep us apart againWe'd found something so grandthat wouldn't be put asideWe called it loveduring passionate nights as loversand days of growing closer.... in a friendship neither of us could hideSo special that we found itSo excitingSo uniqueSo up front you werein everything you said to meI never thought that one day these same words would revealeverything about your intentionsthe ones that you never let me feelLove has now become a masqueradesome maddening, callous schemeA tool for your own gainYou have made love a dishonor to it's nameShe walks in......And I see it all co clearNow I understand...why I spent the better part of yesterdaywritingI.L.L.U.S.I.O.N....in the sandjakuper(5/26/06)
 Walking down the detergent aisle of the grocery store, I saw her.
A
blast from the past. My old friend, Jackie. Now...these are some
memories. We used to be the 3 Musketeers in grade school. Jackie,
Debra, and myself. We did everything together. Born 5 months apart, all
of us grew up in the same neighborhood. Jackie went on to live in New
York, and Debra traveled the world, and settled in Maryland, being a
research scientist at the Naval Hospital. I am the only one who stayed
local.
"Well, do my eyes deceive me, or is this one of the three
Musketeers? Jackieeeeeeeeeee! How the hell are you?" She recognized me
almost immediately, and came over to hug me. She hadn't changed much.
Same little shortie, and same sense of humor.
'What's it been, at least 10 years since I have seen you. How have you been doing? You got married yet? How old is your son?"
'"
been doing alright. Nope, not married. I don't think I'm old enough
yet. Oh he is almost 20 now. Taller than I am. And, how is your son,
and your hubby?"
'Child, my son is 13 going on 25. Think he
grown. He doing good. Hubby--NO. Me don't have that problem anymore.
After two unsuccessful marriages, I think I'm done. Now, it's all about
the fun. FUN. FUN. Fun. So, what you doing with this evening? I was
just getting me something to clean the carpet at my mother's house.
My
son spilled grape soda on my mom's carpet, and if I can't get it out, I
will have to buy her another one, because I refuse to hear her mouth
for the next ten years about my child ruining her carpet. I'm staying
at the Courtyard for the rest of the week. We're having a dinner for
her birthday, and I'm leaving afterwards. Why don't you come over to
the room later tonight. I will be alone, since Jarred is staying with
his cousins tonight.'
"I don't have anything to do. I think I
will. it will be good to catch up on things. I spent some time with
Debbie about a month ago. She brought her family down, and we really
enjoyed each other. It was good to remember that friendship connection
we made all those years ago....and to see it's still alive. Nothing
like old friends..."
'It's Room 445. We leave the light on for you. lol'
"LOL. Alright. What time?"
'Anytime after 7. Maybe we can catch a movie, or something.'
I
got to Room 445 at about 6:55; I was early so I sat in the car for a
few. I was nervous about meeting her again. As it turned out, two of
the Musketeers ended up in alternative lifestyles. What are the odds
that the third one has conformed, also.... I can remember so many times
in our childhood, we did things with other little girls that seemed so
innocent back then, but today-would be looked upon as totally curious.
She didn't know anything but boys. She was the more promiscuous one of
us. She was having sex in junior high school. It was the crowd she hang
around.
'Hey You! What are you doing out there in the car? Come on in. Don't be scared.
She
must have saw me drive up. Either way, I knew it would be a good
evening. She seemed to be in a good mood..as she always was. I got out
of the car, and went to the door. Knocked, and let myself in. She
walked over to greet me with a hug.
"Mmmmmm. It is sooo good to
see you again. You looking the same. Fine as ever." I think age has
done you well. Look at you. You used to be so shy. We had to almost
make you talk. And, now you all cool and shyt. We had some good times.
'Sit
down, make yourself comfortable. Would you like a drink? What do you
wanna do tonight? Any movie you wanna see? My treat. I'm just gonna
take a quick shower, and you can decide while I dress. Okay?'
"Okay.
But, I'm game for anything. I don't really know what's at the movies; I
usually get cd's from my friends. You tell me what you're in a mood
for."
I grab the remote, turn the TV on, and sit down at the
bottom of her bed. Flipping through the channels, I can't seem to find
anything, so I choose a video channel. Over on the dresser is a bowl of
mini 3 Musketeers. I laugh. (She would have to have mini candies
symbolizing our long lasting friendship) My mind started thinking
again, to those old days when life was so sweet, and simple. We laughed
so hard, and played even harder. Friendship was real, and it took more
than a little argument to get rid of a real friend. We kept in touch
over the years, through our families, and mainly because we just loved
each other.
As I sat, watching TV, she walked out of the
bathroom in her panties and bra. I tried not to notice her. Something
in me shuddered, and I tried not to let her notice. She sat down on the
side of the bed, and began to put lotion on her legs. I tried to
pretend I was so into the video that I didn't notice. I reached over to
the candy dish for a piece of candy, opened it, and stuck it in my
mouth.
'You smacking on that candy like it's good. Have you decided what we gonna do tonight? Have you eaten? What's up?'
I
never turned my head from watching the TV. "Whatever you wanna do. You
name it" I never acknowledged her remark about the candy. I was not
falling for the okie doke. Not me.
'Did you hear me? I said
lemme taste your candy. That's my favorite snack. And you know why I
like them, don't you? It makes me think about us. The three musketeers.
I know you remember.'
"Yeah, I do. How could I forget?" I
reached over into the candy dish, and grabbed two pieces, and tossed
them over to her side of the bed, never looking at her. I could hear
her laughing. I never turned to her, or I would give away my
anxiousness about being there in a hotel room with her, and she is half
naked. But, I think she was trying to make me nervous, and I wasn't
gonna make it easy for her.
'I said I wanna taste your candy. See if it's sweeter in your mouth.'
I
almost choked. I almost swallowed the piece i had left. Did she say
what I thought she just said? Oh boy. What the hell do I do now? I
know. I just laughed. And sat there. While butterflies gathered in my
stomach...my heart beat like I had a hit of caffeine. Needless to say,
I am speechless. What next, I thought.
"Girl, you still crazy as
ever. LOL. You better eat that candy right there." I was hoping that
was enough to extinguish this line of conversation. I could hear her
peeling a piece of candy from it's wrapper, and putting it in her
mouth. She was making sounds like it was sooo good.
I was trying
to find something else on the TV, when all of a sudden, she pulled my
shoulders back towards her on the bed, leaned over my face and put her
mouth on mine. She started kissing me with candy in her mouth.
Electricity shot through my whole body. Everything in me wa sexually
excited. I didn't fight it. I was kissing her back. Did not take time
to think about what I was doing. I went with the moment. Her mouth was
as hot as her body was, laying across mine. Her skin was so soft. I
could smell her fresh perfumed lotion against my face. She kissed me
all over my neck. My ears. Sticky kisses that lasted much longer than
they should have.
'I asked you three times, what you wanna do. What do you wanna do?'
Whewwwwwwwwwwwww......I would never look at 3 Musketeers the same way again
 * For Keeta
Opening old wounds
every time
he speaks
Your eyes
crying
crimson tears
that he
cannot see
Domestic damage done
Every day
of the week
but it still feels
just like the last one
Why stop now?
The last few days taking your kindness for weakness
Asking you
for shyt you don't normally do but because
you want him back
'you let him make a fool of you'
Why stop now?
You take the shyt
he dishes out to you Let him
braid
his own damn hair
So what
if he shows off acting like he doesn't care
If he can't
help you out
he has no business there
How much more blood do you owe himTell him to get the Hell outta there
Why stop now?
You feeding him
fucking him
washing his dirty clothes
When he gets off workwhere he is til time to sleep
no one ever knows
Back to baby's mamaAnd still gets home to see where your money goes
Why stop now?
It's crazy love
anyway
You say he doing silly shyt he knows
will make you mad
But when he on top of you
You're the best loving
he ever had
Why stop now?
When a woman's really fed up
and knows
she deserves better
she'll do something
different
She will STOP!
My life
has been touched
because we have walked
a special walk together
because you matter to me
because we are friends
because you have given me courage
because I care
and
I love you
As much as we crave these words to be blessed upon us by our loved ones, it is far better to 'give' than 'receive'. For love is so splendid, that it only needs an open hand, or an open heart to receive it. If we all would practice telling those we love that we appreciate them, while they are within reach of the words, Oh, how much happier the soul of man would be. Love is it's most powerful when it is being given away. God always makes room in our hearts for more. Our pain is His love growing within us. Our tears are His wanting to show us just how important we are to Him, and the world.
I am slowly discovering that my life is more blessed than I realize. While some people search for love, steal for love, and even kill for love; some give up on it. But, I have so much of it all around me. And, it's not even that I want to attain it. because, to me, someone truly loving you, is it's own reward. I heard of the saying, 'to court a bliss, and not attain it..' That is so true, for me. The feeling I felt when you first told me you loved me, was priceless. Yeah, that's one of our favorite words. One of the many things that only we share.
Do we really own love?
How close is it fitting in our scheme of things?
Do we revere it, as we should?
No. But, we still want it from others. Now me--I like the feeling when I only need open my heart, and think about you, and I feel all that love is supposed to make me feel...just remembering you. Love is more powerful than any human ties, and rules we live by. Love transcends time, space, and labels. It will be recognized. If it is real, I will feel it. Take for instance, when a famous person dies, and out hearts are saddened. Is it not love we feel? Even though we have never met them, or touched them, they prick our hearts with emotions sent from their words. Anything you love, does not necessarily have to be tangible. God is living proof of that!
Staring at this rose, and how rich it is, I can't help but think of you. As a matter of fact, when I saw it, your face was there, beside it. I could hear your laughter, and feel your presence. I know you think that sometimes, I am ignoring you, and going about my business. But, I keep you in that "safe" place, where no one can destroy my image of you. And, no matter what's going on around me...I still feel you. And smile. Should you ever, and I mean EVER feel a sad day in your life, should you feel less than appreciated, or feel that I have forgotten you, or who you are to me, just come back to this place...this time. This moment. And 'know', all the love that I can possibly give to another person, is wrapped up, in you.
What did you do to deserve this? Not alot. But, then it's everything, to me. Just by being you. Just by giving me the courage to be me, when I am around you. Your faith, in our friendship. I will never take it for granted. You do not owe me anything, because my reward is in the way I feel....knowing I have done what God wants me to do...
and that is.... to love you!
JAKUPER(11/16/06)
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